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For the Love of Money: Jacob the Jewelerism

Andy Warhol viewed his art as currency and often traded it for anything from antiques to dentistry, and was admittedly infatuated with money, documenting everything he ever spent to the penny. Damien Hirst has exclusively revealed to the Observer, and exclusive it is, his intent to commission a jeweller to glue 8500 diamonds, costing between £8 - £10m, to a skull that will potentially retail for £50m, entitled For the Love of God. As proclaimed proudly by the Observer: "it will be the most expensive work of art ever". A triumph, then. Hirst is conflating Warhol's notion of art as wampum (trading canvas for cash) into the dictum of cost benefit analysis as applied to today's heated art market: it takes money to make money (trading money for more money).

According to Hirst he is slowly buying diamonds, which hints that had he gone in head first into the diamond market the upsurge in demand would cause a spike in prices. Now, not only is the artist tipping the scales of art prices further north he is capable of cornering the gem market like the infamous Hunt brothers from Texas whose speculation in silver in the 1970s-80s bankrupted them and ended in a conviction for conspiring to manipulate the market. What happened to the days of paint tubes? It just so happens there is an artist Liza Lou who already established a too healthy career bedazzling objects with rhinestones (or something of the ilk) for no other reason than it looks nice. And she happens to have coincidentally had a show at Hirst's gallery just prior to his announcement to ornament a skull. You could say she is Swarovski and he Van Cleef.

Bond Street jewellers Bentley & Skinner (could this suspiciously fitting name be a conceptual joke?) will surely have a boon when they are besieged by arty-type copycat-ers attempting to emulate the reigning king of the new art movement: Jacob the Jewelerism. Perhaps Hirst's bauble should be auctioned off on QVC home shopping network rather than Christie's. The artist said creating the skull is less stressful than putting a giant shark in a tank. Not to mention the stress of owning an $8m art piece that is rotting before your eyes. As far as sorting out the intricacies of creating such razzmatazz Hirst has Frank Dunphy his business adviser (BA) to thank, who states the security for the art should be closer to an airport than a gallery. Maybe BA can serve up a contest to sell chances to win the skull like they do at Heathrow with Astons.

Hirst speaks of a celebration of life by saying to hell with death, or more likely celebrating finding someone to buy his latest masterpiece for the full asking price. He relates the diamonds to luxury, desire and decadence which sounds more like a campaign by Donatella Versace. The only part of the original skull that will remain are the teeth, which Hirst says is grotesque and therefore necessary for the piece to work as art. As if the whole enterprise wasn't grotesque enough. Says Hirst: "God is in the details and all that". More like God is in the fingertips of the poor slobs gluing stones all day, who should have a profit sharing programme to participate in. Liza Lou, the rhinestone cowgirl doesn't even let her assistants speak amongst themselves for the weeks on end they are adhering stones to banal objects. And she refuses to identify the workers in gallery materials as she claims it detracts from the art. The simplest ideas are the best according to Hirst and in this instance he has taken that notion to its logical conclusion.

Why is he doing this? It's the "ultimate two fingers to death" he says. I say it's the ultimate two fingers to art, pawning it off as a brooch. Art as jewellery: the perfect pacifier for the hedge funder who has everything. It brings to mind the famous catalogue company in the US called Hammacher Schlemer which presents unique and extraordinary things for the hard to please consumer; this season's special offering is a two person 60mph Hovercraft: "Give Dad the Unexpected" declares the website. Why not do the same for the covetous art collector in your life? Hirst wants you to gasp when you see his diamond crusted skull but supposedly not like in a B horror film where you gasp laughing at the intended seriousness of something the audience merely finds ridiculous. "If it's vulgar, I'll put it on a chain and hang it round my neck". Yes Damien, it is vulgar.

Hirst is the incarnation of the rapper .50 and Jacob the Jeweler--a lot of cash and flash but not much else. And in the end, everything has already been done to one extent or another and Chris Burden did it better in 1985 with his artwork entitled Tower of Power, that consisted of a stack of gold bricks valued at a then staggering $1m. Viewed at in today's dollars, that's a burden Hirst might not overcome in his boast of the most expensive art ever. Better double check with his business adviser.

I would like to thank the Observer and journalist Sean O'Hagan for the fodder for this piece ('Hirst's diamond creation is art's costliest work ever', 21 May, 2006, Observer).

Whistler